Monday, November 1, 2010

my unread auto biography

Life begets life

Living begets living....

My life started 4 months ago in this room, it was like magic, more like fireworks, half of me and another half collided, it was sudden, so sudden after the collision i rested and covered myself with many blankets.

5.45am i woke up and it was two weeks past! mom had been up since 4.00 she was listening to her favorite song 'holy holy' by Cece Winas.

My mother is a third year pharmacy stundent of the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. She's 20 years old and she's very beautiful and confident she doesn't care about what you have to say and thats why she proudly carries me everywhere she goes.

Every tuesday we go for choir practice in the church, my mom loves church, i think a little too much. In the choir she sings soprano where she sits in front and make eye contact with franklin the pianoist he plays very well. Everyday after choir practice franklin walks us to our room-225 Eyo-ita hostel.

I like him he takes mom and i to our favourite restraunt in school-'coke villa' where we eat rice,fish and salad and talk about music,school, fashion and church gossip, franklin said that last week he saw the choir mistress-Ada and smith kissing under the big tree in front of new arts theatre by 10.35pm.

Mom likes franklin a little too much, when ever he's around her heart beat fast and loud almost deafening my fragile eyes, they 'sms' each other daily,

I love my mother dearly and she loves me too.we are closely connected our connection feels closer than what mom and Franklin did last three months in his BQ(boy's quater as it is called)mom thinks about it always even in the church

I remember the first day she put sugar in my blood it was so sweet! I leaped for joy, she cleaned up my room last week. I am changing real fast my whole organs are now functioning well i think it's pastor Chike's prayers. I am so grateful to God. My heart beats well, i think it's a miracle

Last week monday mom woke up and she was feeling sick, she threw up twice that morning, the next day she also woke up early, rushed straight to the bathroom and threw up endlessly. I don't what is wrong with her and she doesn't to tell me, two days later i woke up and found her crying with sister Emem comforting her, both whispering and i could hear was pregnancy pregnany!. I wonder what that is.

Later that day mom took me to kendra's room.As we knocked i saw mom wiping her eyes fast, kendra opened the door and screamed out LA BABY LA HOT!, you look fat and beautiful.she loves saying LA BABY LA HOT more than she likes 'okpa' she welcomed us and gave us a seat she is a final year student of the music Department, i want to be a musician when i grow up, in her room every sort of gossip takes place from Fine boys,Frat parties,to sex scandals, to class results even down to what the pastor ate this morning, she loves talking and screaming. I like her more than Emem, Emem only talks about God,bible and school. She has no life!

before kendra could start talking mom resumed crying again, i think it's franklin cause they no more 'sms' like they used to do before. I wonder what all these tears are about. They started whispering softly

Later that evening mom called franklin over i was so happy it's been a while since i saw him, when he came mom took us to 'meshiy' joint where she bought bread and fried egg as we strolled down to our usual spot- the metal beach in front of Bello hostel it's serene, dark and always cool there.As we all sat down mom said 'frank, do you love me?', and he replied 'of course i do', she then said 'what will say if i tell I AM 3 MONTHS PREGNANT' and he froze immeditely and said 'NO, it's a lie, please tell me you are joking' mom was furious immediately as she said 'shut up, i told you let's not do it again but you refused now she what you've done' as she cried, sobbing bitterly frank was speechless he stood up with two hand on his head and walked towards home without turning back.

Mom didn't sleep that night she was awake, worried about grandpa-her dad, the church, her school and everybody.

I was crying too in this room i pitied her

mom woke up late and on her phone was an sms from frank reading 'get rid of that THING,GO FLUSH IT OUT i will foot the bills' mom was so shocked and amazed,she could not speak.

we dressed up,ate 'okpa' and 'garri' as usual and went over to kendra's.

She supported frank,she adviced mom to get rid of 'that thing' point to my head! As mom shook her head in disagreement

After the long talk they both agreed to get rid of me. I am a 4 months old nameless girl, this is my unread autobiography

on the 17th of january 2010 my mother murdered me, i will never forgive her and her friends,

that morning we woke up early,got a cab the hospital, kendra was with us, oh! I thought she was good, she was the master mind behind my murder.

The doctor smiled and laid mom and i on a soft bed, i watched it all happen, i was so scared i heard mom say loud to herself, forcing herself to believe that i was 'a thing' and that i was not living.

If i was really just 'a thing' mom would have left me to stay till nine months, she'll be surprised what i'll become

i believe pastor Chike,his philosophy is that everybody has a purpose and deserves life, i have a purpose, i have a dream, i want to be a musician, i want to be rich and famous, i want to have a family like everybody, i want to feel love, real love, too bad it's all over,all my dreams,all over

The doctor injected mom with a 'sleeping drug', he said my room is called a womb. And that all my organs are working perfectly. I am healthy

I cried as i saw them bring in all the 'war tools', the sharp blades and weapons ,and i wondered all this for me? A harmless,innocent, little child?

I wondered what i had done to deserve this painful death, it was brutal.

I was wide awake, i saw the doctor cut my forming hand, i cried as my tender eyes bleed. Blood gushed as i died. On the 17th of jaunary my mother killed me,she planned my death with franklin,my Dad. Nobody knew my name nor my story.

Life begets life

living begets living

i lived, i was begotton of the living.

I am not 'a thing'

i am girl

here is my last word before i die

Everybody has the right to life, even the unborn.


1 comment:

  1. oh my! this is it!